Frozen
by DeityOfDeath
Summary: InuYasha's life story told through his eyes. Contains mpreg and non-con. InuYasha/original, inuyasha/kouga, inuyasha/Sessh
1. Chapter 1: You only see what your eyes w

Title: Frozen  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Inu Yasha/ various, Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo  
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Frozen" by Madonna

Chapter 1: You only see what your eyes want to see

I can't say much about my mothers life or how she lived it before she met my father and birthed him a son; me. I wasn't much older than five when I began to hear the harshly whispered words of servants and maids in my home which went no further than the small quarters in a palace where I never saw the outside which lay hidden behind solid white washed walls.

I was a bastard and not just any bastard…no I was the bastard son of a fearsome Youkai known as Inu No Taisho. I was a double taboo, a bastard and a hanyou. Hanyou…a word my mother disliked and seemed to anger her if it was uttered in her presence. My mother's life and my own was given thanks to my father's death. I was told my mother had been given sanctuary in a monastery until relatives let her stay with them. She carried the title of princess whether or not she had bore a bastard hanyou. My birth had brought her down in society but she never acted as though it bothered her. We played in my small world and talked of many things. As I grew older she grew weak.

She had trouble breathing and was prone to coughing fits. I watched over her like she had me and as I watched her grow into something frailer than cherry blossoms in the wind I worried for us. Her family seemed cold and gave little in the way of support. Eventually my mother was bedridden. Her condition worsened and I watched as she deteriorated into almost nothing. On her death bed she sadly smiled up at me and told me to live a good life.

I felt my heart break at her last breath and her eyes closed for the last time. I sobbed for a time and then my life changed. The doors were thrown open and my mother's body was taken away. I was grabbed by guards and taken from my small world. I watched as the bitter and delighted faces around me passed with the walls of the inner building I had never been allowed to enter and then the slamming of doors was heard and I saw the bright sunlit court yard.

The sound of creaking wood and metal was loud in the silence that surrounded me and then I was air born if only for a moment before I landed on my bottom. Guards came out bearing swords and pikes and I stood shakily on my bare feet as they shouted for me to be gone and struck at me with their weapons and booted feet. I stood and ran until I came to the edge of the woods that edged the small township where my former home had been. I sat down and winced. My bare feet were bloody from scratches and blisters alike. I sniffled one last time declaring that I would no longer cry, that I would be strong like my mother had been all these years and grow up strong like her and my hated demon father.

I would prove them all wrong and make my way in this prejudiced world!

I wandered the woods, making sure not to go too far knowing that my mother's body would soon be cremated and that they would bury her ashes. I was betting the family plot would be too good for her so I was wondering just where they would bury her.

I located a large tree with its inside rotted and half dug into, I proceeded to dig further until I was able to fit my body inside. I pulled my fire rat kimono tighter around me and closed my eyes. My sensitive ears caught every sound in the woods that surrounded me; the many animal dwellers, the cool breeze that rustled the leaves and the sounds of the termites and other beetles that continuously chewed and crawled through the decaying tree. The sounds eventually faded out and with them the darkness that was an exhausted sleep claimed me.

I awoke the next morning to a growling stomach so I left my cozy tree and went in search of food. I located a few berries here and there and a source of fresh water. In the water I discovered fish of various shapes and sizes. Try as I might they seemed to evade capture. I devoured my berries and drank until my stomach felt full. I did this for two more days until the sounds of brass clanging and murmuring filled the woods.

I followed the sounds and came to a lush field of wildflowers where a group of monks and priests stood over a newly erected carved grave stone. From where I stood I could barely make out the writing on it. I had barely begun to learn to read and write but I knew a bit. I watched and waited as the priests blessed the stun and placed an urn in the ground by the stone; cover it with dirt and then a few heavy flat stones before pouring some liquid of the grave and chanting once again. I watched as they finished and one by one the priests and monks left followed by the familiar faces of those who my mother had called family.

I had been right. They would not allow my mothers remains to be buried with those of the family. I waited a few moments more before crawling out of my dimly lit hiding place among a few shady trees and made my way over to the lonely gravestone.

I stood in front of it starring at the all too familiar kanji that had been taught to me over and over. My mother had taught me to write using my name, writing it out over and over again; pointing to each hiragana symbol as she did so and at my request she wrote her own name which I read aloud and she pointed out each symbol as she read it with me. My joy and that soft pride filled smile made me want to try harder. She had even gone as far as teaching me the a few kanji and her pride seemed to grow even more so as I read aloud and pointed to words I knew in her collection of books or when I watched her compose letters.

I had seen her calligraphy and had asked about the beautiful symbols and it was then that she had painted my name and hers in kanji, the same kanji that now adorned the grave stone, not nearly as beautiful as her own style. I traced her name and stared at her plain unadorned grave before running off into the nearby wildflower fields. I grabbed handfuls of flower of all colors and ran back to her grave stone leaving them there before running off again and grabbing another handful. I did this until my hands had blisters and her grave stone became a colorful beacon in the dull landscape. I wanted there to be no question that she had been loved and thought of. Once I had accomplished this I took one last look at her resting place and whispered a goodbye with the memory of her smile plastered in my mind.

It was then that I left, not looking back.

I traveled and as I did so I learned many lessons.

Walk quietly, always avoiding leaves and sticks; they always alerted others to your presence, human and demon alike and neither were welcome most of the time. With humans it was usually cruel words and actions. Usually screaming and running or disdainful words but more often than not followed by the throwing of mud and rocks or worse, once or twice I had been chased and beaten with fists, switches and threatened with swords. Those who followed the faith of exercising demons also were a danger with their talismans and threats of purging and purifying.

Demons were usually a bigger threat…I had become a thing of amusement a few times. Something that was chased and beaten if caught. That was a horrible experience but preferred over the threat of being eaten or assimilated by the eviler and stronger demons. I was often told I would be nothing more than a snack and that I was even unfit for that due to my short stature and scrawny body.

I lived in fear and hate and trusted no one. My adolescence was spent in fear. I got better at hiding and learned that the trees were perfect hiding places from lesser demons who were too dumb to look up and if they had intelligence they also needed agility and speed in order to catch as I became better at leaping through the branches, perfecting my leaps and bounds from branch to branch.

As my body grew in height I had grown accustomed to sleeping in the many boughs and branches of the trees in the territories I often traveled.

I still had to contend with my human nights and found them a problem. I was weak and vulnerable to all. Humans were cruel to all, it didn't matter if I was a child they still were cruel. I would go in search of quiet places to hide and wait out my transformation back into my hanyou body. Shrines were good places to hide because most demons avoided them if at all possible, sometimes even the stronger chose to avoid them. I could sense energies around them; even the older or abandoned ones but never had I felt unease. They became a place of rest and respite for me.

It was my fiftieth year and this year my birthday fell on the same night as my human night. I felt compelled to hide and yet the sounds and smells of the local village lured me from my hiding place beneath the local temples porch. I had managed to wander into the town without incident and once there found it filled with the many happy towns people in the midst of celebration.

I didn't care enough to find out what they were celebrating I was just glad to see others who for once didn't feel the need to attack or criticize me. As I walked by fires with meats and rice cooking over the red flames I was handed pieces here and there by kind women with bright smiles. I devoured my meal of handouts quickly enough and continued touring the jovial place that I would then avoid for the duration of my stay.

I had found playmates in the children whose parents had drunkenly allowed them to stay up in celebration. The smell of alcohol permeated the air along with the smell of clean spring air and the scent of ready to bloom blossoms. As the night was coming to an end I wandered quietly away from the dying fires and was making my way to the outskirts of the village when I heard the sounds of drunken laughter behind me. I turned to see not one but three men; if one could call them that. They couldn't be older than sixteen summers.

"Where are you going pretty one," asked one with small dark eyes that were framed by a handsome enough face that was illuminated by the flames of the lantern he help in his hand.

"Are you a spirit fleeing before blessing the town and us on such an auspicious night," asked the tallest of the group who was muscular sun darkened skin and playful eyes with a smile to match.

The third; a tall skinny child-like man with freckles dusting his face stepped away from the other two and circled me and as he did so I felt dread in the pit of my stomach, threatening to bring up the first good meal I had enjoyed in months.

Before I could respond arms grabbed me around the middle while another set grabbed at my legs. I struggled as I felt my hakama being removed and hands roamed my body. A set of hands held my small hands in one of their own while the other slid over my mouth to silence my cries; current and future. I was soon divested of all my clothing, my nude body exposed to the elements and the cruel hands of my tormentors.

I was lowered to the ground, my head and chest brought against the big ones folded legs. He moved my head so that I had to look into his eyes as another set of hands pushed my naked thighs apart and roughly and clumsily touched, prodded and poked my most intimate of places.

My eyes grew hot with embarrassment and fear and then pain as dry fingers entered me for the first time. I tried to inch away from the prying digits but to no avail. The fingers vanished and were replaced with something hotter and much bigger. It forced its way in, causing a scream to die against the bigger mans hand against my mouth. Hot tears came unbidden down my cheeks as the man drunkenly found his rhythm in my abused and bleeding body. He jerked and I felt his spasm deep inside me leaving behind a warm oozing trail as he patted my thighs and pulled out. The cold air was welcome on my open wounds, taking just a bit of the sting away but not for long as another set of legs pushed themselves between my trembling thighs.

There were no fingers this time, just the pain as I was once again entered roughly. The second whom I couldn't see with my head position slammed roughly into my body and I found my mouth uncovered allowing my choking sobs and now soft cries of pain free to escape through my cut lips. This man had gone longer but he ended his rut just like the first; shuddering on top of my small body and then pulling out.

At this point I felt nothing below the waist other than the throbbing almost stabbing pain; I could no longer feel the fluids escaping my abused opening.

The large hands left my body and my head was lowered to the ground momentarily and then I was flipped onto my stomach before rough hands pried my thighs open and I felt something larger than the first two enter me. I tried to find the strength to crawl away but all I could manage was to scrape my human fingernails on the ground and cry out softly, my throat scratchy and torn. He rutted atop me like the wild dogs in towns often did but thankfully he didn't tie himself to me when he found his completion inside me. He patted my bottom and pulled out. I heard him stand and watched as the light faded in time with the dying sound of footsteps.

They had had their fun and then left me battered and naked on the floor of the forest entrance. I lay there in silence, wondering if something would come along and devour me; knowing that there was nothing I would be able to do in my current condition. Nothing came and soon the night vanished with the morning light from the sun and I felt my body change as it had every new morning after my human night. My body healed as much as it could and even as I pulled myself up and stood, finding my clothing and pulling it on I knew that I had once again survived and then I would live through this and be better for it.

To Be Continued….

This story has been bugging me for a while now so I had to start writing it. I haven't stopped writing my other fics I've just lost my muse for them momentarily. Just to reassure everyone, I have at least 3-5 pages for my other stories I just need to finish them.

Kat


	2. Chapter 2: How can life be what you want

Title: Frozen  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Inu Yasha/ various, Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo  
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Frozen" by Madonna

Chapter 2: How can life be what you want it to be

It took a month for me to fully recover from my "attack" and as I did so I tied to avoid villages altogether but the problem with avoiding villages and humans themselves is that it leaves me with very few options in travel and sleeping. The woods and forests will filled with other youkai who would attack if they even thought they could overtake me. Each day was a battle and on most days I won. The ones where I lost I won in another way…each battle gave me knowledge and strength. I gained more and more until only the larger, eviler and more powerful actually posed a threat.

As I traveled I became better at catching fish in the streams and lakes I happened upon and most small game was a cinch. The larger game such as deer took a bit more skill and better timing. I had only managed to bring one down once or twice and both times the deer had been injured by man or were elderly making them easy targets. My goal was to gain enough strength to bring down a warthog and perhaps a bear.

A month turned into two and I chose to stay and trabvel along a small stream since as of late my thirst was almost unquenchable and with thirst I also seemed extremely fatigued and some of the safest and best hideaways could be found around water, it also covered my scent should I have need of a quick escape. I had learned to swim at my mother's behest and I was glad of it now.

As time came and went and my knowledge of survival grew so oddly enough did my body. I had gained spindly long legs which grew in time with my arms. I felt awkward in my body during this change but I also felt bewildered at my growing midsection the most. I wasn't starving but I definitely wasn't gorging myself so why had I developed a noticeable bump. It wasn't flabby nor was it extremely hard. I shrugged it off as a side effect of my developing body until it grew to affect my balance and that was when I decided to look for some answers and the only place I could think to find them was in a human village.

In most aspects I was more human than demon so perhaps this was a human illness that could be fixed with medication or if I was lucky it would be something I would simply grow out of.

On my human night my change happened and my claws vanished along with my puppy ears leaving ebony locks in place of my former pale locks, brown eyes in place of gold and human ears where they belonged instead of my more useful ones.

The bump remained.

I drew my firerat robe around my body and made my way into the human village. I was unsure as to whether I should approach the healer and beg their opinion, pretending to be a runaway or a parentless waif thanks to feuding lords.

As I wandered through nighttime crowds; mostly drunkards and "women of the night" as my mother had called them, I came upon the sound of screams and moans of pain. I followed it coming upon the doorway to a humble abode. Not wanting to be seen I made my way to the side window and climbed atop a tree stump that happened to be beside the window and peered in.

A scarcely clad women with a bulging stomach knelt over thick blankets, her face red and sweat covered as she gasped for breath before screaming and moaning in pain once again.

"Come Hiyori, you are close. I can see the babes head," called a midaged woman with her hair tied tightly in a bun. She sat on a short stool in-between the woman's spread legs. I watched as she pushed and time dragged on. No one had caught me watching and watch I did.

I watched as the woman finally produced the head and then the body of a wailing newborn, causing her once bloated belly to deflate. Not nearly flat enough for her to be skinny but no longer as oddly noticeable before she had birthed the shrilly crying infant. The woman with the bun handed her the child and she held it tightly against her body grinning widely.

I was so entranced by the woman and her new infant as it now nursed at her chest that I hadn't realized the woman with the bun were no longer present until a hand landed on my shoulder causing me to gasp and almost fall. The woman stopped my fall and turned me to face her.

"It is not kind to invade such a private moment little one," she scolded.

I felt my cheeks heat and knew I was blushing as I struggled to find words, "I didn't mean to. I…I just wanted to know…"

"Know what little one," she asked with an arched brow.

It hadn't been intentional on my part but automatic as I placed my hands on my midsection revealing a slight rounding. It was her gasp that made me realize my error. I felt fear and made to run past her but for a lady of her age she was quick and before I could take two steps she had me in her arms and she once again turned me to face her.

"How is it one so young is in this position," she asked sadly.

"Am I", I asked uncertainly, "Is there one of those inside here", I asked as my arms came to wrap protectively around my middle again.

"We can find out," she stated.

I nodded and she stood letting go of one of my hands and leading into the new mothers' home.

"I will return in a moment Hiyori", she grinned at a man who now sat beside the lady and new born, "Congratulations on your son Ichiro."

With that she grabbed a lantern with her free hand and led me to the nearby tool shed. She opened the door and pulled me in before shutting the door behind us. She sat the lantern down and knelt in front of me.

"I'm going to gently squeeze and prod your stomach," she warned and I nodded acknowledging her.

Her hands were large and warm as they carefully prodded and poked at my belly.

"So little one, when was the deed done," she asked softly.

"The deed," I asked back at her.

Her eyes looked surprised and she closed them momentarily as she rephrased her question, "How long has it been since…the man entered you?"

"There were three…", I admitted softly as the memory I fought to forget returned once more, "About…four new moons ago."

She nodded and removed her hands, "You should be due sometime in the winter."

She stood and I fidgeted and then dug into my pockets pulling out some berries and nuts I had gathered earlier in the day and held them out to her.

"What's this now," she asked bewildered.

"I have no money and I can't stay in the village, otherwise I'd do chores for you but I have these."

She knelt again and rolled my hands up so I wouldn't drop their contents, "I need no payment little one. Why can't you stay?"

I went to the door and opened it staring out at the night sky which was beginning to lighten. I smiled at her and then took off running. I could hear he shout for me to wait but I couldn't stop or let her catch up for fear of what she would do if she found out I was a hanyou and not the small girl she thought me to be.

I made it to the edge of the fields and then woods as light broke across the sky and with it I felt the growth of my ears, fangs and claws. I didn't bother looking back; I didn't want to see if she were still there because I didn't want to remember her with a look of hate or disgust upon her kind face.

After that day I decided to avoid humans. I was carrying and the odds were that I would deliver a child like me; a child hated by humans and demons; a child between worlds.

I traveled until I came to a cavern on the side of a high hillside and it was there that I decided I would birth my pup. I cleaned it out, removing animal waste and other debris, making sure no harmful creatures resided in it and then I began the arduous task of collecting leaves, moss and sticks. I stored the sticks in the back of the cave so I would have firewood as it got colder and laid the leaves on the soft dirt of the cave floor and placed the soft moss atop it. If I came across human camps I stole dried rations, pots and kettles and the occasional blanket or other cloth that happened to be left out.

My cave became home and as the heat of summer became the chill of Fall I felt movement for the first time. The being inside went from an occasional movement to a constant reminder as the sixth new moon came and went. I had decided that I would hunt small game in the hopes of gathering the fur pelts to help keep the pup warm when it was born.

It was after my seventh new moon when I had made the mistake of stumbling across another demons prey.

I was cold and my feet and back were aching, my kicking pup reminding me of its discomfort as well when I saw the deer with its broken leg. I crouched and jumped aiming for its neck with my claws free and ready to tear into is thin blood filled neck when a tall bulky demon came out of no where pouncing on the deer easily snapping its neck one handed. I saw this and landed short of the kill. I was slow in reacting and as soon as the large bear demon saw me he grinned and came barreling at me. I struggled to run but something collided with my back sending me to the ground. I struggled to stand but it was impossible as hits and kicks rained down upon.

"Dirty hanyou! How dare you! Who gave you permission to hunt in my territory!?"

I yelled out in pain and struggled to protect my belly in the hopes of protecting my unborn pup. It seemed as if the beating would never stop. I lay there bloody and broken praying it would end.

As suddenly as it had started it ended.

"Remember that hanyou. This is my territory, should you decide you want to try hunting in my area again remember this lesson."

With that he wandered off and left me laying there. My body began healing itself as I lay there but something didn't feel right. Something was wrong, something that couldn't be healed.

'

I shakily stood up and began making me way back to my cave. It took longer than it should have to get there and on the way I began having horrible pains that traveled from my midsection and along my spine.

I crawled into my cave, laying on my bed of moss, furs and cloth and struggled through horrible pains. I felt wetness seep through my hakama and knew then that it was serious. I struggled out of my bottoms as the pain worsened and soon found sounds similar to that of the birthing human woman's escaping from my own mouth. The light of day vanished and I lay there in the dark of my cave gasping and writhing until I felt something pressing against an entrance I had not possessed before.

I struggled and pushed as searing burning pain came from that entrance and a pressure that made everything below the waist hurt. I struggled and pushed until the pressure lessened momentarily with a gush of liquid. I felt a new pressure begin which I struggled through and as the light glistened anew into the cave opening I felt something slide quietly from my body. I lay there gasping realizing that I had birthed my pup.

I struggled into a sitting position sobbing as I did so and looked down at the small blood and mucous covered body of a male pup born too early. He barely had any hair but what he had was black and his ears were so small and pointed. I gently picked him up and gently massaged his chest in the hopes of provoking cries or movement but there was none. My instincts kicked in and I gently squeezed its nose and opened its mouth gently removing mucous and liquid as I shook it softly and massaged his tiny body. No sound and no movement…

I had lost my pup.

I hadn't enjoyed the act in which he was gotten but I had enjoyed carrying him once I had learned of him. I had failed him. I had grown stronger but it wasn't enough. I was still not strong enough, I needed to grow stronger.

I pulled him against my chest and sobbed as I rocked back and forth crying my frustration and sadness. When my sobs subsided into sniffles and an occasional snuffle I looked down to realize I had birthed something grotesque and bloody. I used my claws to separate his cord from the mess and then I stood shakily, holding his body against mine one handed.

I struggled to the back of the cave where I picked up a small piece of animal fur and proceeded to wrap him in it. I grabbed another pieced and placed it between my thighs to staunch the bleeding which had slowed but still continued to drip down my thighs and legs.

It was as if I were working through my sadness. I placed my son on the birthing nest and proceeded to clean myself off before redressing. It was once again night; a full day had passed since I had birthed.

I cleaned the caved disposed of the bloody bedding and the cord sack and then I went outside and found nice spot beside a maple sapling not far from the cave. I began digging and as night became day I went and retrieved my son and placed him into the deep hole, covering him completely with the furs before I began the task of pulling dirt over his grave, silent tears falling into the dirt as I did so. When the grave was covered with dirt I then gathered stones and covered his grave with them letting any who wandered by know that this was a grave.

I sat there at his grave for two days and two nights more before I entered the cave one last time. I devoured my rations and took many more and stashed them into my hakama pockets and sleeves before leaving.

I stopped at the grave with a silent promise of becoming as strong as a demon, also swearing to beat and destroy the demon that had caused the loss of life.

To Be Continued…

Must keep writing…..

Kat


	3. Chapter 3: You're Frozen

Title: Frozen  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Inu Yasha/ various, Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo  
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Frozen" by Madonna

Chapter 3: You're Frozen

I had a new fire inside of me, one that was fueled by determination and a lot of revenge. I began training and soon my long legs and arms grew a bit of muscle. I started by chasing and taking on larger prey and I didn't stop there as I picked fights with lesser demons and then greater ones. I soon met my goal of bringing down large healthy deer; first does and finally the antlered bucks. I didn't stop there. I worked hard and even with a serious wound or two I still managed to bring down a warthog. I was proud and even prouder to have the scars from his large tusks on my right leg. My next goal was a bear itself but before I could meet that goal as well something more interesting wandered across my path.

A tall, lanky figure who dressed in a flower patterned kimono hakama and steel spiked armor set with a fluffy object wrapped around his body, with eyes that contained the usual contempt I witnessed when those of pure demon blood found them-selves in my proximity; which he didn't bother to keep hidden at all.

He looked prettier than any demon I had seen so far and carried himself with such bearing that I could tell right away he wasn't just any demon. His hair was silvery like moonlight and blew ever so slightly in the spring breeze, its consistency reminding me of spider silk; which parted at his forehead revealing a dark blue crescent moon.

His eyes were golden just like my own but were lined with crimson like some geisha but double stripes along each cheek let me know it was not a makeup job but natural markings. By the smell of him I could tell he was an Inu Youaki. I played it safe and knelt in a defensive manner waiting to see what his actions would be.

"And here this Sesshomaru thought I could make it through my life pretending that the stain upon the Inukami name would eventually be eaten and cease to be," he said in a bored monotone with a snobbish sniff.

I stood up a little and looked into his face, "Inukami name?"

"How typically ignorant you are. You are the bastard our father left behind, what a sad memento you are," he said as he looked down his nose at me as if I were a pile of turds.

"So you are my brother," I asked outright. Why play word games when truthfully I had no patience or time for them.

"Half; and even that this Sesshomaru refuses to acknowledge," he said flipping hair over his shoulders.

"Do the remaining members of Inukami clan realize that you dress like a woman? Or do they actually think your one? If you're going to pretend you really should stuff your kimono with meat buns or something," I responded as I stood to get a better look at him.

At that he growled and pure hatred entered the all too familiar looking gold eyes and he lunged at me with the intent of killing me. It was surprising and yet it gave me an adrenaline rush. I managed to dodge and escape bigger attacks that included his venomous claws. I escaped our first meeting a little worse for wear but proud of myself.

That began a grand game between us. He wanted me to never exist and I wanted to prove that I was better than any full blooded demon alive. Our fights made me stronger; worse for the wear but stronger.

A year of this and more practice with prey until I had taken down a bear and it was then that I decided to go after the bear demon who had caused me to lose my pup.

I returned to the maple and my pups' grave and knelt pulling weeds and cleaning the stones before I paid proper respects and then I stood up vowing to return with a memento.

I started by sniffing out the bear demons scent and upon finding it I followed it found him lounging not far from where I had been attacked, lying on his back next to a ravaged warthog carcass.

I approached and I heard a deep inhale of breath and a loud snort as he cleared his throat, "Thought I told you to stay away from my hunting grounds hanyou."

"That was before you stole something precious from me," I responded flexing my claws.

He sat up and grinned before standing up to his full bulky height and stared across at me, "You mean the bastard that you carried?"

I growled and ran at him. I dodged long meaty arms with knife like claws and swiped at his right leg as I dove to the ground, sliding into a standing position which I then turned and clawed his back repeatedly before he turned to smack at me missing once again and I slid on his other side swiping at his left leg. I slid into a standing stance again and flung his blood and flesh off of my claws and onto the leaf littered ground. He charged at me and I jumped into the air but was caught my right ankle.

I didn't let it deter me as I twisted and swiped and clawed at his face causing him to fling me away and into a tree. It hurt and the wind was momentarily knocked out of me but his clawed eyes and blood seeping into them gave me enough time to stand and ready myself. I attacked again swiping at his right arm and coming behind him, gaining a few feet and then I ran at him jumping into the air and coming down to drop kick him onto his belly and face, staying on his back where I dug my claws into his back and shoulders and viciously dug into his flesh so that his fur covered clothes were gone leaving scratched and bleeding flesh. He rolled and I jumped off smacking at his side as I did so.

Anger fueled me and as he swiped at my side I stopped only momentarily to see my blood seeping through the tears in my firerat haori/hakama before I growled and reached down to touch my sides; my fingers coming away blood soaked.

Something clicked as I raised my hands fresh with my blood and felt ki gather and threw my blood watching as it transformed into dagger-like knives which sliced the arms, legs and torso of the bear demon. He gave a startled look and took a step back, re-evaluating me all of a sudden.

"Flying blades of blood," he asked in surprise.

I had done something unexpected and he seemed unsure. I grinned and brought my hand to my bleeding side again, making sure to soak my fingers in the coppery scarlet substance leaving my body.

"What was that about my loss," I asked as I raised my hand again.

He turned to run but I once again flung my ki filled blood at him again yelling out as I did so, "Hijin Ketsusou~!"

I watched as the blades severed his limbs and his neck. I watched his head roll off his shoulders and stop a few feet away where his now dead eyes stared blankly out at nothing, a look of surprised fear frozen in place instead of the cocky grin he had started with.

I approached and lifted the severed head by his shaggy hair and spit on his carcass, "This will be a fine gift for my pup."

And I did just that. I took the severed head to my pup's grave and set it beside his stone covered burial place. I went to a nearby stream and cleaned myself as well as my clothing. Night came and I found myself back in my abandoned cave, finding everything where it had been before I had left. I dusted off old furs and hung my clothes to dry. I laid down and had a good nights sleep for the first time in a long time.

I awoke in the morning and dressed in my now dry clothes and made my way to the nearby flower field. I picked an array of flowers and brought them back to the grave, decorating it in beautiful fall colors before saying goodbye and taking off feeling a little lighter for having accomplished not only in avenging myself and my pup but achieving a new weapon; Hijin Ketsusou, flying blades of blood.

To Be Continued….

Still have plenty more to write. I have written this story down up to chapter 12 in a little notebook. I wasn't joking when I said that I couldn't get this story out of my head.

Kat


	4. Chapter 4: When Your Heart's not open

Title: Frozen  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Inu Yasha/ various, Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo  
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Frozen" by Madonna

Chapter 4: When Your Heart's not open

I traveled the roads more often than the woods lately. My victories over the few demons that dared crossed my path left me in high spirits and perhaps cockier than I should have the right to be. Humans who saw me usually gave me room and tried to not look me in the eye. There were others who tried to provoke me and start trouble but I usually gave them a glare and walked away. I didn't need the added trouble they caused and it wouldn't gain me anything in the end.

I would sometimes sit high in treetops or on rooftops and watch normal humans in their everyday actions and it was during these watching sessions that one human in particular caught my attention. He was no older than 2o full seasons and he was an unusual one to behold. He was tall and what I saw of his body seemed toned and muscled but not overly so. He wore the clothes of monkhood and it hid most of his body. I was not truly interested in the same sex but this man in particular had caught my attention with his high cheekbones and deep inset eyes always with a friendly and calm look to them. His lips were full but always set in a serious way but those eyes seemed so full of life, humor and happiness that you hardly noticed the serious set of his mouth. He had yet to shear his hair off and what he had was long and kept in a ponytail at his back barely noticeable against his ebony monks clothes; only the shine of it giving you any indication that he was yet un-sheared.

He usually kept his straw hat in place and from what I observed he only removed it when he thought no one was looking.

I watched him and somewhat followed him but only from my high perches. At times he would stop and look in my direction, and then he would smile and continue on his way. If he saw me he acted no differently and said nothing to those he occasionally traveled with nor the villagers in the places he stopped. I wondered if there more than one reason he had chosen the monkhood as his calling. Something in him called to me and I wondered if he didn't possess just a bit of power. Perhaps he had the blood of some demon, god or goddess in his family way back in his bloodline.

As the new moon approached I had made the decision to visit the town he was currently assisting in.

I must have been crazy if not totally insane with infatuation for him and yet I didn't seem worried enough to not go through with my plans.

As night fell I felt the change take hold and once it was finished and I was once again an ebony haired and brown eyed human I entered the town and found myself following eagerly behind his other followers as he made his rounds. It wasn't until he had stopped at an old shrine in the middle of two out of the way homes to pray, that I realized I was the only one following him.

Once he had finished his prayer he wrapped his beads around his hands and stood fully turning to look at me.

"So young one, tell me what has enticed you to follow me all evening long," as asked as he stared down at me with those deep ebony eyes.

I had no answer for him, none that I could easily say without sounding strange.

"Let us start with simpler questions, what is your name," He asked as he took a seat upon a stone marking the next town's direction.

"Yasha," I responded softly.

"What an unusual name," he commented looking me over.

"I am told my father named me," I replied honestly.

"And where are your parents," he asked with that enchanting grin in place.

I was unsure how to answer his question and it must have shown on my face because he answered for me as if he could read the answer on my face or worse yet as if he had pulled it from my mind.

"They are in the next realm," he stated and not asked.

I nodded silently and his eyes lost their happiness momentarily.

"Are you looking for a place to belong," he asked.

I was but I knew it couldn't be with him or with any others he knew. He was a trained monk and monks and demons were like oil and water; not a good mix.

"No. I just wanted to talk," I answered.

His smile returned and he nodded, "You are a strange one Yasha but not in a bad way."

That made me smile and he stood up and approached me placing his hand upon my head and patting it softly.

It mad me happy and yet I felt slightly insulted.

"I'm not a child," I responded but didn't shake off his touch.

"I apologize, Yasha. You look young, how many years are you," he asked taking a good look at me.

I couldn't give him the truth; no human looked as I did at sixty years so I tried to think of an age that I was close to in human years.

"Are you uncertain," he asked.

I nodded and he looked at me thinking, "I can hazard a guess of fourteen years but I could be wrong. If you have lived a hard life your weight and height would be off leaving you closer to fifteen or sixteen."

I fiddled with my hakama sleeves and asked, "My age doesn't matter for us to continue meeting and talking does it."

"What a silly question, of course not," he replied looking at me with a look of amusement and bewilderment.

I couldn't help but grin and he in return grinned.

His smile was bright and contagious in nature and so I found myself drawn like a moth to a flame which was unusual because those who had the power to purify demons often had the opposite effect on demons and hanyou alike.

"What is your name," I asked excited to learn one more detail about him.

He smiled at me as he made his reply, "Hatsunuma Kyoshiro."

"Hatsunuma-sama, or is it Sensei," I asked as I felt my chest fill with happiness at saying his name for the first time.

"Since I am to call you Yasha how about you just call me Kyoshiro?"

"Kyoshiro," I said it aloud and he smiled and patted me on the head saying 'good boy' as he did so.

It was hard to believe that such a simple thing could make me feel like the darkness that seemed to hover around me had been chased away.

And so we talked all the way into the night until I had to say my farewell with the promise of meeting him on the next new moon. Days became long bothersome things and for the first time since my mother's death I looked forward to my human night. I continued with my odd behavior of following him and watching him interact with others and I felt apart of his world if only for a while and then for the briefest of time I would change and meet up with him again and we would spend our time talking.

We did this rain or shine, always meeting at some shrine; old or new, for over half a year.

Each time we got closer and finally after our sixth meeting I found myself pulled and desperate to see him.

On that night it was thundering and lightening and the shrine was old and abandoned one that should be demolished if not refurbished and even the awning over the shrine itself failed miserably at keeping the rain off of me from where I stood waiting for Kyoshiro.

Upon his arrival he immediately took me in his arms, holding me close which was a wonderful moment in itself and made more wonderful when in panic I told him his clothes would get soaked if he didn't let go.

It was not the first time he had held me so close but each time was like the first and left me with a fluttery jittery feeling.

He laughed full throated and jovial, "Have you not noticed that I am drenched to the bone dear Yasha?"

I blushed and tried to hide my face in the crook of his arm but he would not allow it as he pulled my face up and connected our lips. So warm and soft and they tasted of rain and green tea. I closed my eyes and he walked forward moving me forward with him until we bumped into the old sliding door of the shrines main building.

Our lips moved and soon they parted and his tongue invaded my mouth like an eel wriggling in a cave. It was not unpleasant but new and my gasp of surprise allowed him to plunder my mouth fully. That was something new and he seemed to enjoy the surprise he had given me as he drew back and grinned down at me with my pink dusted cheeks and lust filled blank expression.

"My little Yasha your face makes me feel unpure and full of evil. You truly remind me of a virginal Ashura. A child of temptation that has lured me to sin and yet I don't feel the least bit repentant."

I blushed even more if possible and my limbs trembled with excitement as I clenched his robes in my small hands. He lifted me into his arms and carried me into the shrine past creaking and almost falling off the hinges sliding doors. We entered through a second set of doors which he slid closed with his foot and the proceeded forward. He came to the wall where shrine shelves would usually have held offerings and statues but instead they were bare.

He sat me upon the shrine and proceeded to attack my ears and neck working his way down to my collar, his hands busy removing my haori and hakama as he did so. I was too lost in sensation and pleasure to really realize what he was doing and I was far more interested in his lips behind my ear and his fingers toying with my sensitive nipples to notice that I was down to last layer of clothing before he would reach my fundoshi.

He divested my body of all clothing and I sat there gasping and shaking staring down at him realizing that I was the only one bare for the world to see.

I tugged on his robes with trembling hands, "Off," I demanded.

He smiled and kissed my nose and nodded, "As my Ashura demands of me."

And so I watched as flesh was revealed and awed as my previous assumptions of a well chiseled chest and abs were revealed. His arms were muscled and toned and his hips were even more so. He stood still grinning letting me take in his full body and came close so that my small hands could play along his arms first and then his chest and stomach, his abs making me jealous with the muscles that stuck out. I reached up and placed my hands on his face and pulled him down so that I could kiss his lips, his cheeks and his forehead before returning to his lips. This time I explored the feeling of his mouth, cheeks and tongue pulling away and grinning up at him as we both gasped for lost breath.

I watched as he leaned in and once again kissed his way down my lips, chin, neck and chest and continued downward stopping to kiss and lick at my belly causing me too writhe and gasp. Instinct brought my fingers to mouth and I chewed on them when I was at a loss as to what to do with them.

He continued down and came to my fundoshi which he untied and then set aside as he gazed down at my now fully nude body. My erection was pink and weeping as it pointed upward as if pointing at him accusingly for having caused its current condition.

He reached down and gently stroked his fingers along it bringing forth mores gasps and moans from my mouth as I shook like a blade of grass in the wind. He finally took firm grasp of it and proceeded to stroke up and down; my member encased in his warm hand as he did so, my leaking fluids causing his ministrations to go more smoothly.

I opened my dampened eyes and watched as lifted his other hand sucked two fingers into his own mouth thoroughly coating them in his saliva. He removed his fingers and I watched as they disappeared past his stroking hand and I felt slickened fingers part me and then circle my entrance slowly. I closed my eyes as memories flooded back of the men and what they had done.

What they had done felt nothing like this but would it go in that direction, would things take a turn for the worse?

I felt the first finger slide past yielding flesh and enter deep inside where it only stayed still for a moment before he began to move it in and out slowly and then he stretched deep inside of me and I felt him touch something that tore a loud moan from throat and jolted pleasure throughout my body.

He slid in and out touching that place repeatedly and purposely as he did so stopping and then pulling out. I felt disappointment and then I felt stretched even more as a single finger became two and he repeated the process once more of stretching me while reaching for that pleasurable spot. He did this one more time adding a third finger before removing them completely.

I lay there gasping, fighting for breath as I heard him spit. I looked up and watched him place his spit covered palm on his own red and aching member and stroke it as he had my own, slicking it as he did so. He did this two more times and then I watched as he brought that hardness between my thighs and opened me further as his hips came fully between them. He moved slowly, pushing that slick warmth past my stretched entrance until the tip of him finally entered. He stopped giving me time to adjust and then he pushed further in and stopped again. He did this every few inches until I could feel his hips flush against my bottom, meaning he filled me completely.

I gasped and struggled not to move away from him. It was painful but not nearly as horrible as my first experience and although I was stretched and felt overly filled I did not feel torn or ripped, just 'full'.

He once again took my member began pumping it, bring it to life once more and as he did so he slowly pulled out and then back in until he found a rhythm. It seemed to take little or no time for the blinding pleasure to overtake me as I screamed his name and blinding flashes of light overcame my vision and I writhed in his arms like a snake on fire as he too fulfilled his completion and pleasure deep inside my body.

We lay there gasping and I realized that happy tears were slipping from my eyes.

There was a way to rut that was not demeaning or painful and had taken such a horrible experience in order for me to truly realize what a great thing this was.

To Be Continued….

Sorry if it was a little raunchy. My thoughts were jumbled tonight so I tried my best to make this scene touching but some how it just became really pornographic…..

Maybe I shouldn't listen to Kerli's Army of Love while writing LoL

Kat


	5. Chapter 5: You're So Consumed with how m

Title: Frozen  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Inu Yasha/ various, Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru, Inu Yasha/Kouga mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo  
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Frozen" by Madonna

Chapter 5: You're So Consumed with how much you get

Morning always comes too fast and as it did I pressed a kiss to his forehead, jostling fallen and tangled black locks as I did so. I watched his trademark smile appear briefly before he snuggled into his robes which I had laid atop him while I donned my own. I quietly and slowly slid open the old shoji doors and left with one final look back, the image of him smiling etched in my memories.

I should have distanced myself but I couldn't do it, it was as if he were water and I leaf lost in the current. I once again spent my days watching him from afar as he traveled and he always seemed as though he were not only doing his duties but searching for something.

I followed him back to our abandoned shrine as the night of the new moon once again fell upon us along with the night and my transformation. He eagerly ran to me upon hearing my footsteps and when I emerged before him he caught me in the circle of his arms, lifting me up and holding me close. No questions were asked and no assumptions made. It was as if we had never separated.

We talked, snuggled and made love long into the morning only this time he did not fall asleep. He stayed up until I once again donned my clothes and turned towards him, my heart heavy and my chest tight.

"So you must again leave me like a ghost to vanish without a sign," he asked so somberly.

I nodded and looked down at my hands from where there peeked through red sleeves, "If I could stay I would but there are things…"

He didn't let me finish as he ended my sentence for me, "that keep you from me, things that I don't understand but I do wish you would tell me so that I could try."

I walked over and stood on my tippy toes and he leaned down and our lips met in a tender soft way, not in the heated way they had connected earlier in the night.

We parted and I tried to offer him a smile but it felt half hearted and I knew my sorrow and confusion showed.

"Go my Yasha, we shall meet again during the next new moon."

I turned and left and as I passed through the thickest of the woods I transformed as warm tears saturated my now silver locks.

He was my happiness but I knew it had to end. I hadn't met any hanyou's nor had I heard any tales of them living happily ever after. It all seemed so hopeless and yet I couldn't just give up. I couldn't stop moving.

It was after our ninth new moon meeting and our third time joining that I began to feel off. My overly sensitive nose became a weakness as every and any smell that were strong left me weak to the point of collapsing. I had to avoid villages for that very reason which meant no watching Kyoshiro in his daily routines.

The mere thought left me teary eyed and depressed, yet another symptom; I cried easily and with little or no provocation. It wasn't until the new moon came and I was once again in Kyoshiro's arms that I realization hit me like an arrow through the heart.

We lay snuggled on borrowed blankets after an enjoyable coupling and we were basking in the afterglow and each other when his hands played over my belly. He seemed almost fascinated with it and then harmless words were uttered.

"My dear Yasha I do believe our love has made you healthy."

I looked down at my stomach where his hands continued to explore and saw that I had developed a small bump that protruded just enough to make it noticeable but not enough to be seen through clothing.

I blinked a few times and closed my eyes fighting back panic and at the same time a small amount of joy.

I was once again carrying. Inside my body grew a child, a child conceived of love. Mine and Kyoshiro's child…

My eyes grew hot and I felt an errant tear slip from under my closed lids and suddenly Kyoshiro grew stiff.

"Oh, Yasha. I wasn't saying it to be mean, I quite like you round. It's almost as if our love making had bore fruit. It would be quite beautiful if you could carry a child like the women I bless in the village."

I nuzzled against him and knew that this would be the end of our love. That I would have to say good bye with a smile as morning came and pretend that I wasn't saying it for the last time.

"I know Kyoshiro, I know. I am just overcome with emotion when I am with you," I opened my eyes and he grinned and leaned forward pressing a kiss to my temple as he held me close.

I watched as he fell asleep, his hand still covering my belly and the irony of it all filled me with dread and sorrow. I watched him sleep and took in all of him; the feel of his body, the sound of his soft snores, his scent of incense, sandalwood and green tea, the silkiness of his black tresses and the subtle muscles that wound their way through his legs and arms and then there was the sound of his beating heart.

I couldn't fall asleep this night; I wanted him forever etched in my mind.

I woke him up an hour or so away from dawn and drew him into what would be our last time making love. I made sure it was slow and sensual as his hands and mine played over our bodies like it had been the first time all over again. Our passions grew and our bodies found release and then he lie down again and fell asleep and I slid my body away from his wonderful heat and got dressed quietly.

I leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on his forehead and then his lips and stood up as he mumbled out a soft "love you". I left the building and the area with hot tears quietly flowing down my cheeks and even leaving trails down my neck. I didn't look back, only up and forward.

To Be Continued…

Short chapter but it seemed the appropriate place to stop at.

Next chapter coming soon.

Kat


	6. Chapter 6: You waste your time with hate

Title: Frozen  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Inu Yasha/ various, Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru, Inu Yasha/Kouga mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo  
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Frozen" by Madonna

Chapter 6: You waste your time with hate and regret

Looking back was a terrible idea. I knew it and yet I couldn't help myself. I perched high in a tree whose leaves were tinged orange and brown and fought to hide myself as I watched Kyoshiro overseeing repairs to the old temple we had made love in so many times.

It had been two months and I hadn't returned to our meeting place during the new moon but I could always smell his scent which was renewed by each and every one of his visits and I felt horrible for leaving and not explaining myself to him. He had a right to know that the life that was now five new moons old was one he had fathered.

I wasn't an idiot and old fairytales my mother had told me as a child often had sad endings when a being revealed themselves to their human counterparts, sad tales of death where one or the other would die if not both.

I couldn't handle his rejection. It would tear my heart into thousands of pieces. I had many dreams of how he would react to my news and none were the happy ending that I so wanted.

Just seeing him had caused my chest to ache and the child within seemed to sense its sire or perhaps my emotions at seeing him and moved endlessly whenever we were in his presence, even from my current distance.

Our temple was gorgeous as it was made new with lumber, care and cleaning. I watched as he blessed it and I was surprised to see that it was not with the usual blessings. I felt no ill will in his blessing like I did at some of the other temples when they were freshly blessed. It was as if he were leaving an open invitation. I couldn't allow myself the hope; too often my hopes and dreams were crushed.

As the weather went from the cool breezes of spring to the beginnings of a hot stifling Summer I grew larger and my seventh month came upon me.

I was extra careful to avoid humans and youkai alike and due to my depression I was late in locating a proper den. Something had led me to one of Kyoshiro's old temples and it was there I had discovered a secret passage beneath the temple itself. I had decided it was as good a place as any and thus I began to once again gather the things needed for a proper den when the birth of a pup was nearing. The temple was seemingly abandoned and thus it provided me with shelter and many of the supplies I needed.

I had made a bed of old tatami mats, curtains and cloths and the temple was more than covered in soft moss. I had managed to discover storage areas which contained candles and oils for light and thanks to reverent townspeople who still brought offerings I had a varied diet of fresh fruits, vegetables, pickles, the occasional bottle of sake' and meat buns.

At night when I sensed no human or youkai presence I went hunting, bringing back meat to be eaten and the rest dried and pelts to lie on and wrap my pup in once it was born.

I was overly heated and exhausted as my eighth month came. I wanted nothing more than to sleep and eat. I managed to find some respite from the heat of the day in a nearby stream that was fed from the nearby mountain making it almost cold. I seemed to distress the nearby wildlife who had also come to the stream for that very reason. I let them be, I was in no shape to hunt anyway and that caused their discomfort level to drop some.

As I neared the end of my eight months I felt the occasional ache in my belly and with it an occasional tightness but nothing close to what I had felt when I had lost my first pup. I took it as a good sign and lessened my trips out, keeping myself in the area of the temple. My feet were swollen and my chest tender enough that even wearing my hakama had become uncomfortable.

As the first week of my ninth week began so did what I suspected to be the beginning actual pains of the incurring birth. The new opening had once again developed and not a day afterward had I discovered a blood tinted stain on my fundoshi. I stayed in my hidden den and waited for things to progress and did they ever...

I continued to have pains and they increased in volume as well as timing. I went from almost ignoring them to pacing in my den which was just a hair higher than me. I found myself stopping and rocking into the pains as their intensity grew and when they ended and when I could catch my breath I walked on hoping to speed the whole ordeal. The pains soon overwhelmed me and I took to leaning against pillars and the walls when they were near enough.

The pressure built and I could feel as my pup descended into place putting added pressure on my new opening which seemed to almost stretch in an attempt to give with the pressure.

There was no one around so I soon divested myself of my clothing and found myself pacing back and forth in my den as nude as the day I had been born. The thought amused me momentarily and then the next pain came.

I gave up on pacing as the pressure grew and with it a sudden gush of fluids poured down my thighs and legs and the pressure tripled. I leaned against the wall on my soft bed of furs, moss and tatami mats and with my free hand explored the spot of intense pain and pressure and felt a rounding surface forcing its way out of my stretched opening. It was damp and soft fuzz covered it.

The head! I was close. I slowly slid into a kneeling position and rocked into the pain as it came causing my belly to tighten, pushing as I did so. I felt the head shift forward and kept my free hand there to judge my progress as I struggled to push. The pain built and I struggled through the pain wailing and grunting through the stinging pain and horrible contractions that threatened to crush me.

I had a moment to catch my breath before it doubled and the pain intensified and I pushed feeling that pressure abate for a moment as the head slid out into my palm. I could feel the full round shape of a head and the soft gooey hair that covered its head. I wanted to sob but the sharp pain made that sob into a loud outcry as I struggle through the onslaught of continuing pain and an even stronger pain as the shoulders began to work their way through and I bore down with everything I had left in me.

I was almost numb with pain below the waist and then it happened the pressure lessened and I found myself single-handedly trying to hold the slippery body of my pup as I struggled to support myself on my knees alone so that I could use my other hand as well. Once I had a good hold of my pup I brought it upwards to above my belly.

I stared down at its back and rubbed it causing gargled intakes of breath that then became coughing cries and wails. As soon as its cries sounded less garbled I turned it carefully in my hands and discovered that I had bore yet another son. He was slowly pinkening up which could almost be seen through the goo that covered his body. I reached for cloth I had set beside my bed and began to wipe gently at his body while he wailed angrily at my actions. I wiped him as gently as I could and watched his small limbs shake and whip to and fro in anger. The little one certainly had my attitude. At least he had his fathers ebony locks.

I felt pressure build and I pushed feeling the massive mess of leave my body. I had no idea what it was called and I could only assume it had some purpose in being inside of me but I could only hazard a guess as to what.

The cramping continued and the renewed wetness on my thighs told me that I was bleeding just like I had with my first birthing. I reached down and brought the cord attached to my son close to my mouth and bit down separating him from the mess, making it easier to move with him in my arms.

I stood shakily and made my way to a pile of furs and pelts and found the softest on top, wrapping my son in it and then gently laying him on our bed in a clean and clear spot while I removed the soiled top layer and the grotesque pile of flesh that I had expelled. For now I moved it into a corner and bundled it until the odor was barely noticeable and then I found extra leather and a clean fundoshi and made quick work of it making the leather an absorbent pad and using my fundoshi to tie it into place. I threw on the first layer of my hakama and lightly tied it in place.

My son had fallen asleep in a nest of fur so I carefully and somewhat painfully lay next to him, pulling him in against me so that I could feel his warmth and listen to his soft breathing. I let it lull me to sleep.

I awoke to my sons wails and found my chest overly sensitive and swollen. I knew why and I carefully sat up into a lounging position. I lifted my mewling son as gently as I could until he lay snuggled against my now dripping nipple. He needed no guidance as he turned his head into my chest making smacking noises with his lips until he connected with the source of my discomfort and began to suckle hardily.

It was an unnerving feeling first and even slightly painful but the pain abated as my chest was all but drained. I had watched nursemaids in the court care for infants and knew that he had to burped and I brought him to my shoulder and began to gently pat his back, occasionally rubbing until I heard one tiny burp which was followed by another. He seemed fussy still so I brought him to the other nipple and allowed him to eat his fill and then I burped him until he fell asleep. While he was napping I ate from my supplies and then I too took a nap until he woke me with his mewling cries. I smelled the odor of soiled blankets and so I changed him, taking care to clean in-between crevices with a warm wet rag and re-bundled him in a clean fur.

And that became my life…my world. I repeated the procedure over and over again and I would until he no longer needed me to.

I healed and he ate, slept and grew.

To Be Continued….

Thanks for your patience~! Sorry it's been a while. I moved and have already gone through two roommates and it hasn't even been a year yet! I worked Otakon once again (20th anniversary!), that makes 7 years staffing and 7 years before I attended so 14 altogether. I had a little time off after Otakon so I managed to work on a few fics. Some need complete overhauls but I decided it would be best to update what I could. I'll try my best to update soon.

Kat


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